Nemesis Essay

This is a little thing I wrote for English a while ago.

I am a teenage girl wanting to fit in.  Wanting to be wanted.  Wanting to be loved.  Of course, that is easier said then done.  Especially if you have a dad like mine.

I guess it is not my dad’s fault he is abusive.  I think his dad was.  Maybe my dad was never taught to control his anger, or how to be a good parent.  He takes his anger out on people.  My family is around him.  Therefore, I guess that makes us good targets.  In addition, his dad cheated on his wife, so maybe my dad dos not realize just how wrong it is.

My dad never apologizes.  I don’t think he cares that he hurts us.  He could have paid attention during the parenting classes my mom took him to.  There is really no excuse for my dad physically and emotionally abusing me.  He could hit a pillow, not me.  He could yell at a pillow or something, not me.

I guess I could try harder not to set my dad off.  After all, he is my dad, and I’ll probably have to spend time with him until I’m eighteen.  At eighteen I’m getting a restraining order, suing him, and changing my phone and e-mail.  Therefore, I guess if my dad wants to die, alone it’s up to him and fine with me.

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6 Responses to “Nemesis Essay”

  1. marycooke Says:

    Dear CSF,

    I read your newest post, and then I had some thoughts.

    First: It is very normal for kids to make excuses for their parents behavior, because we expect our parents to be our heroes, and when they aren’t, we have to make excuses to “cover” for those we love. Whatever is in your Dad’s past, he still is an adult, and has to answer for his actions; just as you are responsible for how you turn out. It wouldn’t be right for you to abuse your kids and use the excuse, Well, my Dad did it to me — would it? So you can be the KEY. The one who changes the cycle of pain. Whenever your Dad hurts you, just keep telling yourself, I will never treat my kids like this! I will give my kids a home filled with peace, kindness, respect, and love.

    Second: You don’t say if your sister is older or younger than you. But I see an opportunity here for you to be a comfort to your sister. I hope the two of you have a good relationship, so you can be a source of strength for each other.

    The reason I bring this up is that our minds and spirits are like sponges that suck in everything around us, the good and the bad and the ugly together, if we are not careful; but the good news is, we can choose what we keep and what we reject. Hey, I think you’ve inspired a blog! I could really write about this. Let me plan it out in my mind and write more about it — you’ll know that blog is dedicated to YOU.

    Praying for you with all my heart,
    Mary

  2. Glenn's Cult Says:

    I also want to add to what Mary has written here. Sometimes people will react to those they know they are safe with. Your sister might be doing what she does out of self preservation. She might be trying to protect herself from anything your dad does and she knows you would never hurt her. I know this still hurts you but just be the best sister to her that you can be. And please stop hurting yourself. There are many moms out here and many I am sure at your school who will listen. Please reach out.

  3. Indianashame Teardropsforkatelynn Says:

    Oh Sweetheart, What brave thing you are doing. I know you are doing the best you can and that is all anyone can do! You are not alone! I think you must very alone but you are not! I am so sorry that you have to be this strong and this brave and try to be adult smart when so many adults are failing you. I know this and much more because little katelynn’s big brother is trying to be as smart as you. You can only be kid smart because you are not a adult. Never doubt it is not you failing anyone it is all these adults failing you and your siblings. I recommend to you a site called CACA here is the link http://ca3cacaca.blogspot.com this is a grownup child who was once like yourself . She is very supportive of the children. Talk to her. Her name is Jennifer and she will understand cause she was once in the same situation as you. She might have some ideas to help you and your family. Also go to Courageouskids.net this is for kids that are courageous like you. I hope this helps you. I think you are so brave and smart and how lucky your siblings to have someone like you. Don’t even listen to the negative comments they don’t know what it feels like so the heck withem. My thoughts and prayers are with you for you are surely a Courageous kid!

  4. givememymom Says:

    Hi, the structure for this essay had to be intro, possitive, negitive, and then lets get along followed by I get the last word. That will help explain my second pharagraph.

  5. StrawberryNote Says:

    I just wanted to give you a little encouragement. My kids and I went through similar treatment in the court system. My daughter is now 19 and doing fantastic at college. She finally stopped going to her father’s home for overnights at 15. She kept making things as hostile as possible at this home at that age, and continued to run away. She was willing to go to Covenant House rather than remain with him if she couldn’t be with me. He eventually gave up. She wishes she had done it years earlier. When she finally got free of him she was able to participate fully in after school sports and activities, was much less stressed, start finding her confidence again and just blossomed. Don’t let your father destroy your life. Like you said somewhere on your blog, he will be a sad lonely person when you and your sister come of sufficient age to never look back. She has tried to allow him moments into participation in her life now that he can’t force her back to living with him, but he blows it every time. His new trick to try to control her is withholding monetary support. I’ve assured her we don’t need it. No amount of financial support is worth the manipulation, power and control.

    • givememymom Says:

      My father is the exact same way. He has refused to pay for my school and withholds everything. I would love to talk to you sometime.

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